Episode 19: How to Fight Back Against Burn-out, Overwhelm, & Stress

You know what it feels like to be stretched thin. You know burn-out. Overwhelm. Stress. It seems like there’s this never-ending list of to-dos and things that must get done: the kids off to school, switch that load of laundry before it starts to smell in the washer, hopefully, get it folded before it wrinkles in the dryer (let's be real, that's not happening), put gas in the car, make dinner, and for the love of all things fresh and clean, take a freaking shower. Combine that with the never-ending questions...please dear God, make it stop. I just might explode or wither away right here, right now.

Yet, it's not just the "stuff" we have to do. Almost more so, it's the mental & emotional load that gets un-freaking-bearable. This episode’s meant to help you fight back in a way, (arguably a more productive way) than just reducing your to-do list. It's all about how to combat the inevitable burn-out, the Mom puddle on the floor, at the root. Being proactive and nipping it in the bud, so to speak, before it gets, well, overwhelming, shall we?

"We are set up to fail because we cannot possibly keep doing, doing, doing, and not get burned out, overwhelmed & reactive."

Our society tells us that we should be "good" and to be "good" we must be selfless.  We can't fathom letting go of handling everything, of taking care of everybody because, on some level, we believe it will all go to shit if we let go, even a little.  It is so ingrained in us that we must put others first, that we must sacrifice ourselves to make others happy...that our worth depends on it.

Okay, okay, so maybe you've created the awareness & don't think this way, but I invite you to consider the ways in which you might still be believing it unconsciously, and still sacrificing your needs for others. I'm projecting a bit but what I've found is that my experience here is not all that unique. So yes, reluctantly, I admit it. I still disregard my needs for others. Mostly for my children. And you know what's worse? I do in the name of my children. So here I am, not taking care of myself and "blaming" my children for it. I’m blaming them for why I can't feel good. I hate to admit that but it's true. Our children are not asking us to sacrifice ourselves for them, yet we do it anyway & then blame them for it. Maybe that’s just me, but I don’t think so.

"Integrity is about telling yourself the truth."

"Tell the truth directly, plainly & simply and become comfortable with disappointing others because it's unavoidable when you begin to make your needs a priority in your life."

Fighting back involves getting radically honest with ourselves. Telling ourselves the real reason we're struggling with overwhelm & burn-out. We tell ourselves all kinds of internal, false stories & believe them, but the truth is:

"I never have time to do what I want to do" really means "I don't take time for my needs."  

"I always end up doing everything myself" really means "I don't ask for help" or "I don't believe I'll receive it, so why bother?" 

Hits a little hard when we look at it for what it is, huh? It did for me. It's okay. Judgment never helps so go on & let go of it. And the good news is that this honesty is what allows us to take back the reins of meeting our own needs. 

Your beliefs create your experience.  Your experience confirms your belief. 

We’ll always find what we’re looking for. When we’re believing that we never have time to do what we want or that we have to do everything ourselves that’s exactly the experience we’ll have. We’re literally creating that very reality for ourselves. This is because our minds are always searching for evidence to confirm what we already believe, what we already "know". Then, when we find it, our brains are like "See? I knew it." Confirmation.

It's a circular way of creating our personal reality and we all do it. It's how our human brains work. It takes effort, sometimes monumental effort, to see this for what it is and drag ourselves off these limiting belief paths that lead to a reality we don't want and onto one that leads to what we do want. It’s hard AF, but necessary to have a different experience.

Fighting back also requires relearning what it means to love yourself. You will not take care of yourself, you will not make your needs a priority (over others) if you are not loving yourself. Simple as that. Honoring what you want & need is true self-care, self-care at it’s finest.

"True self-care is what protects you against burn-out, overwhelm, and reactivity." 

We get to quiet that voice that says this is selfish and realize that "by taking care of us & putting ourselves first, we’re able to show up in a way that truly supports our kids." In fact, this is the only way...taking care of our needs first. Sure, there will be times when a child's immediate needs trump our own, which is why it’s so crucial to proactively honor our needs. Does that feel impossible? You bet. Is it actually? No way.

Give this episode a listen for more on how to get over this seemingly impossible reality of total motherhood wipe out.

P.S. I know there is plenty of narrative out there, like Irene's, like mine, that will echo ours. We think that is amazing!!  And yet, these old, limiting beliefs still have a strangle hold on most of us moms.  So we keep at it.  We keep doing the work of learning, of growing, of practicing.  And we keep sharing it.  We so deeply want you & all moms to feel good, damn it.  We want you to thrive.  So we'll keep sharing what we learn, how our experience of growth is going, words of encouragement & perspective shifts.  We invite you to keep exposing yourself to these words & practices of self-love from wherever you can find them.  Keep up the good fight, Mama. We’re right here with you.

Find us hanging out over in the Thrive in Motherhood community. Can’t wait to see you there!